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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!