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take me drunk i`m home
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.