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Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
If Kanye didn`t sing "Gold Digger" while Kim walked down the aisle, I`m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?