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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
If you tickle me, Iām not responsible for your injuries.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!