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I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"
To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.