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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.