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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....