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My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.