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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.