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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer