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Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
status uploading
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.