Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.