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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
Long story short, I love summaries.
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.