Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.