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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.