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I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.