Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.