Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
"You`re better than that" is almost never true
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.