Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?