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I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.