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I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn`t stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married