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I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!