Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
Nothing says "My life isn`t going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal Mart at 1am.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.