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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!