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Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?