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You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
A smile is the same in every language, I`m pretty sure the pee pee dance is too
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.” … apparently.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!