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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.