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I don`t like surprises so, I never open my Electric Bill or my Bank Statement.
So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
take me drunk i`m home
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
Is there another word for synonym?
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!