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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.
This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die" Apparently the other 2 become immortal.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks