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“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds