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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?