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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
Warning: I just get weirder.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.