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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.