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I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.