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May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
Exercise? More like extra fries.
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.