Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
I’m giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.