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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
I’m not stupid. I’m just too lazy to show how smart I am.
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|