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Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
Iām starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)