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the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.