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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.