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Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.