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I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
i dont have drain bramage.