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I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
My favorite beer is an open one.
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.