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I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for her birthday. We`ll have that vacuum cleaner working in no time.
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.