Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.