Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?