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My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…