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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!