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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
TEIAM - problem solved
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.