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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
I liked you better before we met.
I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0))) I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fat bitch know how many chins she has.
My life is based on a true story
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.