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I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?