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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
Some people should come with subtitles.