Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
Whenever you can`t think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I`ve been thinking about killing you."
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?