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Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".