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It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.