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They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.