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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Son: am I adopted? Me: not yet, but we`re hopeful.
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...