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My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.