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The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?